Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
