I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
