I hope mine doesn't look like that
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
