You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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