i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
