We're like a lot better than the average bears
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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