i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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