Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
