I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
