tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
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Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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