My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
