also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
