We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
