well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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