i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
