i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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