That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
