I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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