Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
