dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
