...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
