At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
