About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
