I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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