I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I did not marry a roomba.
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