they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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