Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
