It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
