there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize