Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
