my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
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Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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