"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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