My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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