I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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