I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I intend to get homeless drunk
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
