i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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