I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
