I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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