Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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