so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
