Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
