Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
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He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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