ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This is the high leading the old right now
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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