I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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