Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
