well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
