Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
