Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
