didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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