no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
