She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize