The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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