she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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