so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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