please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just tell him i said nine months
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
