he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
sick fucks of a feather flock together
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
