Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
this hospital has no fireball
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
