So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
