end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
