I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
