I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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