i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
