remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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