omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
