I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
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Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
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It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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