I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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