Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
