It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
