her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
