Swine flu. Run for my life!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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