he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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