First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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