I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He had one of those small greek statue penises
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
